Husband wife funny jokes 😁😁
◆ Doctor to Mrs. Spew: “Is your daughter always stuttering like that?”
- Mrs. Spew shakes her head: “No, only when she wants to say something.”
😀😋😀😀😀
◆ I met an amazing man at a party on Saturday. Wonderful listener, great looking...
I gave him my number and winked at him to call me when he gets home.
It’s been 4 days, I’m really starting to worry the poor guy is homeless.
😊😃😄😂😄
◆ “Have you got anything to drink?”
“Water.”
“I meant something harder?”
“Ice.”
😀😂😃😄😀😂😄😃
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| Husband wife jokes |
◆ What do people like to wear in England?
-
Tea-shirts.
😋😀😂😃😂😃😂😂😂😂
◆ Some annoying cold caller was trying to sell me a luxury coffin. I could only say, “Dude, that is the last thing I’ll need.”
😀😂😃😀😄😃😀😀
◆ If you cannot find your dog, open the fridge door.
He’s standing right behind you
😀😁😂😃😄😀😁😂😄😄
◆ I wonder what it was on the Canadian flag that they had to cover it up with a big leaf.
😀😂😃😄😀😄
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| Husband wife funny jokes |
◆ What’s the one thing snipers can’t tell their wives?
I missed you this morning.
😀😂😃😄
◆ I like little people, and little people like me.
They kinda look up to me
😀😀😀😀😂😀😂😀😂
◆ Women: “Communication is the most important thing in a relationship.”
-
2 million hours – The average time men spend trying to find out why their darling is angry with them.
😋😋😋😋😋
◆ I got all sentimental when I saw my husband looking at our marriage certificate for half an hour.
Then I found out he’s been looking for an expiry date.
◆ My son wanted to know what it's like to be married. I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.
◆ I received an invitation for a wedding.
I answered: Maybe next time. Thanks.
◆. It’s been raining for days now and my husband seems very depressed by it.
He keeps standing by the window, staring.
If it continues, I’m going to have to let him in.
◆ I don’t really mind sleeping on the couch.
It’s like living my childhood fantasies about the Wild West
–
including the angry mama bear nearby
😜😜😜😜😝😝
◆ My wife and I have been married for quite a few years and my wife asked me recently to get some pills that would make sure I’d be up to some action in the bedroom again.
I brought home diet pills. Apparently very much not what she meant.
◆ A golden rule of the wife:
There isn’t a problem in the world that couldn’t be created.
◆ My wife’s cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.
◆ My wife told me she needs more space.
I said no problem and locked
her out of the house.
◆ What to give a man who’s got everything?
A woman.
She’ll tell him how everything works.
◆ I tried to re-marry my ex-wife.
-
But she figured out I was only after my money.
◆ I got a call telling me my wife’s been taken to the hospital.
“Oh my Lord, how is she?!”I asked.
“I’m sorry to say she’s critical,” said the nurse.
“What the heck is she complaining about again?!”
◆ Marriage is an institution of three rings.
Engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.
◆ Darling, can I go out in this dress?”
“Yes dear, it’s already dark out.”
◆ – We had a terrible row with my wife last night. But she crawled to me on her knees in the end.
– Wow – that’s really impressive! What did she say?!
– Come out from under that sofa, you filthy coward!
◆ American scientists have finally found out what a woman wants. Unfortunately, she changed her mind since then
◆ A little boy looks at his mum at a wedding and says, “Mummy, why is the girl dressed all in white?”
His mum answers, “The girls is called a bride and she is in white because she’s very happy and this is the happiest day of her life.”
The boy nods and then says, “OK, and why is the boy all in black?”
◆ It’s our anniversary, dear. How do you suggest we celebrate it?
– With a minute of silence?
◆ Honey, what will you give me for our 25th anniversary?
-
A trip to Thailand?
-
Wow, that’s awesome, and for our 50th anniversary?
-
Then I pick you up again.
◆ I got really angry with my car navigation today.
I even yelled at it to go to hell.
20 minutes later, it brought me in front of my mother-in-law’s house.
◆ A man and his wife have to go to a doctor.
The doctor asks, “Do you share the same blood group?”
The husband replies, “We must by now. She’s been sucking my blood for years.”
◆ What's the difference between a bachelor and a married man?
Bachelor comes home, checks out what's in the fridge & goes to bed.
Married man comes home, checks out what's in the bed & goes to the fridge
😂
◆ "If I’d known you were this poor, I’d never have married you."
-
"Don’t pretend I didn’t warn you! How many times did I tell you that you’re everything I have?"
◆ A guy loses his job, all his money has gone, all hope is lost and he’s walking miserably towards the dole line, wondering if there’s anybody who could help him. Suddenly there’s thunder and lightning and a scary, blood-covered demon appears in front of him.
He walks over to the man and in a rasping voice whispers in his ear, “I have heard your pleas. I’m ready to give you a million bucks. But you have to agree to give me your wife.”
“OK,” says the guy, “now where’s the catch?”
◆ Woman to her husband while at it: "Please say dirty things to me!"
Man: "Bath, Kitchen, Living room..."
◆ Do you know why only 30% of wives make it to heaven?
Because if there were more, it would be hell instead.
😀😂😃😄😀😂😃😄
◆ My new wife left me because of my huge insecurity problems.
Oh no, hang on, she’s back. She just went to the bathroom!
◆ A wife complains to her husband: “Just look at that couple down the road, Roger, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her … Why can’t you do the same?”
“Are you mad? I barely know the woman!
😀😂😃😄😃😄😀😃😄
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